Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Nancy-Boy Wants Twilight Tickets





Original ad:


I am in Cobb, and my girlfriend loves Twilight, she really wants to go to the Eclipse screening, 
anyone with extra passes or deciding not to attend, please call me at 770-xxx-xxxx. 
i would gladly take my wonderful girlfriend on a surprise date ;) 
thanks, ben


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To: Ben
From: Jacky


Still need those tickets Ben?  I have two for the Regal 10, but I decided to break up with my g/f this morning.  Her loss.
Let me know if you're interested.
Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Ben

Jacky,

Sure, I'd love to get those passes from you!  How much are you selling them for?  If i may be so bold, why did you and your girlfriend break up?  You can call me at 770-xxx-xxxx anytime today.
thanks, Ben

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To: Ben
From: Jacky

Benny,

I broke up with my girlfriend because after a hard night of drinking I realized that I could do a lot better than a shallow pedantic child-woman who is obsessed with kiddy-literature written by a watered down Anne Rice wannabe.  Seriously, this girl has made me buy her Edward and Bella dolls, posters, Team Edward t-shirts, pillow cases and whatever else merchandising bullshit you can think of..  It's one thing to be a fan of something, it's another to go criminally insane over what amounts to be the Vampire Muppet Show.  Do yourself a favor, kid, when you turn 30, stop dating teenage girls.  Don't learn your lesson the hard way like I did.

As far as the tickets go, I'll sell them to you for face value.  I feel like an idiot for having stood in line for two hours in the first place and would be well rid of them.  I live over in that area so I could meet you at the Starbucks anytime that's good for you.

Jacky
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To: Jacky
From: Ben

lol! I'm actually 29 years old and my girlfriend is 30!  Sounds like you really hate the Twilight series.
Which starbucks are you talking about?  Theres like three near the movie theater.
thanks, Ben

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To: Ben
From: Jacky

Benji,
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME???  You're 29 years old and letting your OLDER girlfriend lead you around by your little weenie? Man you are whipped!  Does she scream "EDWARD!" when you're making love to her?  I bet you write her poems while knowing that you'll never be as "perfect" in her eyes as that little sparklefuck Edward.  I thought it was bad enough dating a 17 year-old who was immature, but a 30 year-old?!?  Wow!  That just takes the fucking cake!  Speaking of cake, do you even think you'll be able to make the midnight showing?  I'm not sure what time the all-you-can-eat Golden Corral buffet closes, but it sounds like the two of you must spend a lot of time there.

You know what, Nancy-boy?  I'm not selling you my tickets.  I'm just going to roll them into a joint and smoke them instead.  You need to learn a hard lesson on how to be a man and not let some bug-fuck insane woman-child determine your precious entertainment time.  Time for you to grow a pair, Benjamin.  If you want, I'll sell you my Bill Dance VHS tapes and I'll throw in a copy of Motorhead's Greatest Hits on cassette.
Good luck to you son.

Jacky
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To: Jacky
From: Ben

Thanks a lot for wastimg my time, ASSHOLE!









6 comments:

CoolsnessDee said...

Rock on Jacky!! Twilight sux!!

ShortyKaytee1985 said...

I think you were quite harsh with Ben. Just because you don't like Twilight doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. Your posts are funny, but this one was out of line

TwiHeartEC1105 said...

That was very cruel. Youre not funny at all. Youre just a lousy troll with no life.

Dani said...

Twiheart, seriously, die in a fire.

Twilight sucks the big one. You were a little harsh because maybe Ben thinks it's shit too and is just doing it to get laid.

Then again, I fucking hate Twilight, so I wouldn't watch it even to get some ass.

Anonymous said...

fifty bucks says TwiheartEC is a 39 tear-old single mom.

Lord_Creator said...

I love how "Anne Rice wannabe" links to Poppy Z. Brite! I hate her too. BTW I'll take those Bill Dance tapes.