Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Trailer Trash Roommate





Original ad:


Hello, my fiancee and I are living in a 2 bedroom/1 bath mobile home, very clean
and we have 3 dogs.
They are very good with children, and other dogs. We will take care of the
electric and water bills.
You can pay either $110 a week or $350 a month!

===============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Hello there,

I saw your ad on Craigslist. I live in the area but I'm going to be needing new
digs soon. If your room is still available, let me know and we can trade
whatever pertinent info we need to share

Thanks,
Jacky Maille

==============================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

It is still available. give me a call 404-xxx-xxxx

Whitney

==============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whitney,
Thanks for getting back in touch with me. Right now, my soon-to-be-ex has my phone so calling is a bit difficult right now. Basically, I need to be out by the first of the month. He doesn't seem to have a problem with all the great meth that I can score for him, but he keeps picking fights with me over my drinking. So what if I like to go out and party until last call and then bring home random men and women for hot rough sex? I can't help it if I'm loud. That shitweasel needs to go out and get a fucking job if he knows what good for him. I don't do meth myself, but I like to smoke pot and drink. Sorry if I'm going off on a rant here. I'm just so frustrated with that deadbeat limp-dicked motherfucker and I'm ready for some peace and quiet.

I am responsible. I work a full-time job as a dog groomer (didn't you say you had dogs?) so paying my rent on time isn't an issue. I also like to cook big meals (I get the munchies a lot) and I keep my space very clean.

So what's yall's story?

Jacky

==============================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

My mother in-law said that this will not work out, we can't have pot in the house.


===============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whitey,

That mother-in-law of yours sounds like a real buzzkill, if you know what I mean. That's okay, I can leave it in my truck and smoke it in there. Of course, that will mean a lot of trips out to my truck, but no worries. I keep all my guns in there too. Speaking of which, do you have a lot of land out that way? I like to shoot at Mountain Dew cans on the weekends.

Jacky

================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

Nah, someone's fucking around on craigslist..probably a little high school kid.
And my mil, is the fuckin' shit. GTFO

================================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whistney,

I can assure you that if I were some high school kid with no life, I'd be all over some porn right now and not trolling Craigslist. I mean, who does that?
Seriously, when would be a good time to meet up?

Jacky

================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney


The second tuesday of next week.

================================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Winky,
Wow. Aren't you just a clever and original bitch!
With that attitude, you're never going to find a roommate for your white-trash trailer. I'll look elsewhere, thank you very much. Good luck.

Jacky

=================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

that was not me! that was the mil .....

=================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney


And it's def not white trash, it's on a 2 acre lot with one surrounding trailer. Sorry to burst your bubble.

=================================================

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Jacky Speaks!


Get a Voki now!



Let the word go forth!

I Like TV Trays

Original ad:


I like those TV trays that you set up in your living room in front of the couch so you can watch tv and eat at the same time. Like when company come over.

================================================

To: Julie
From: Jacky

Hey!  I have those TV trays and I like them too!  It's a set of four and it comes with a handy stand so you can fold them and hang them up when you're not using them.  They're great!

Jacky Maille

=================================================

To: Jacky
From: Julie

Jacky
Thats what I'm looking for.  How much do you want for them?

Julie Cxxxxx

==================================================

To: Julie
From: Jacky

What do you mean?  I'm not selling my trays.  I like them.  A lot.  Your ad didn't say anything about wanting to buy trays, you just said you liked them.  I thought maybe you were just lonely and looking for someone to share your enthusiasm about TV trays.  You should be more specific in the future.

Jacky Maille

==================================================

To: Jacky
From: Julie

Asshole!

Sunday, August 08, 2010

You Don't Mess With WWE!





Original ad:
SUPER SUPER WWE SALE

I have many WWE stuff that i collected during times and here they are:
I Have a wwe money in the bank with three ledders and also a hell in a cell cage mach also complete.
And i also have a stage and two extra rings and a tag team belt.
I also have 37 WWE wrestlers and with tables chairs and all those tools.
The wrestlers are.

2 john cenas, 2 cm punk, mark henry, umaga, undertaker, jeff hardy, 2 matt hardys, randy orton, big show, triple h, mikey, evan bourne, batista, rey mysterio, teddy long, mvp
john morisson,2 y2j, festus, shawn michells, mr kennedy, tomy dreamer, carlito, brian kendrick, The great khali, paul landon, edge, eliga brooke, shelton benjamin, the miz
jessie, Trent Barreta.

MAKE AN SERIOUSLY OFFER. 

===========================================

To: Victor Fxxxxxxx
From: Jacky Maille, Attorney at Law


Dear Craigslist Seller,

My name is Jacky Maille and I am an attorney with World Wrestling Entertainment. Your ad on Craigslist featuring ringsets, action figures and a Championship belt was brought to our attention recently. This classified ad is in violation of the Trademark Protection Act of 1991 and should be removed immediately! Failure to comply within 24 hours of this notice will result in legal action in United States Federal Court.

You are however, permitted to sell action figures of Jeff Hardy, Carlito, Tommy Dreamer, Mr. Kennedy, and Brian Kendrick as they are no longer employed with WWE. We're not sure who "Eliga Brooke" is but our legal staff is looking into it.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Jacky Maille, Esq.

========================================

To: Jacky
From: Victor


Dear sir, I have already sold everything for 175 dollers so my ad wont be up anymore. Do you really work for WWE becuase i dont think its against the law to seell anything on craiglist.
Victor

=======================================

To: Victor
From: Jacky


Dear Mr. Fxxxxxxx,

When you purchase a Trademarked WWE product, whether it is an action figure, playset, t-shirt, DVD, etc., you are obligated to have it remain in your possession. You are allowed to give said items away but you are not allowed to publicly sell them for any monetary value. Simply put, only World Wrestling Entertainment is allowed to make money on its products. You sir now owe WWE $175 (US). We will contact you within three (3) business days to set up payment arrangements, in order to prevent any future litigation.

Sincerely,
Jacky Maille, Esq.

=====================================

To: Jacky
From: Victor


i dont think this is for real. Why would a lawer from WWE have a yahoo email address and not a WWE one? I dont think you can make me give you money . This is probably a scamm.

======================================

To: Victor
From: Jacky


Mr. Fxxxxxxx,

I assure you that this is the real deal. You don't mess with the WWE! We will lay the litigation SmackDown! all over your candy-ass! If you're not down with that, we've got two words for you: Law Suit! We spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool. You can't see us, it's true. If we have to we can make this a slobberknocker. Oh yeah, dig it. We'll make you famous. What are you going to do when the World's Largest Lawsuit runs wild all over you? And that's the bottom line because the WWE Legal Department said so.

Sincerely,
Jacky Maille, Esq.

==================================

To: Jacky
From: Victor


ok now I know this isnt for real. Youre funny tho, you had me worried for a minute.




====================================



Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Goth Chick

You know, I have dated quite a few goth chicks in my time.  Sure, they're freaky little minxes but they're almost all psychotic.  I saw this ad on Craigslist where the dude was looking for a goth chick to be a model (yeah right...) and I just thought to myself, "Man, this guy has no idea what he's getting into looking for a goth chick."  So I decided to show him just how insane they can be.  


Original ad:

Goth Model Wanted
Seeking female models with a goth / alt look interested in doing paid modeling. 
Send recent photosample with e-mail reply. 


==============================================


To: Paul
From: "Aurora Despayre" aka Jacky Maille


Greetings to you

I am a goth chick and I will be your model
I have the body of a 23 year-old
But I am really a 266 year old vampyre
Darkness clings to my eternal soul

So how much does this modeling gig pay, anyway?

Aurora Despayre


=========================================

To: Aurora
From: Paul

Sounds good. I'm intrigued. Pay depends. I like doing a mix of clothed and nude shots. Do you have a photosample you can send? -Paul


===============================================


To: Paul
From: Aurora



I once knew a Paul 100 years ago
He wounded my soul

I photograph best nude lying on a bed of black rose petals
with the light of the full moon shining on my pale skin

Enclosed is a recent photograph of me
taken by my the famous DJ Formaldehyde.

I'm available every night after the sun goes down.

Aurora Despayre

 

=========================================

To: Aurora
From: Paul

I'm definitely interested  - located in Atlanta...

========================================

To: Paul
From: Aurora

Oh I'm sure you are interested, Paul the Photographer!
I'm sure you just want to have your way with me.
I am not your sexual object nor anyone else's!
Quit being a troll on Craigslist you perverted orangutan!

Whatever.  I'm just going to cut myself.  I'll be at the mall with my friends talking about being misunderstood and bats.

Death to your soul,
Aurora Despayre

==========================================

To: Aurora
From: Paul

That's different - will give you that. 

==========================================

To: Paul
From: Aurora

I love you.

=========================================