Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The Best Pet Care Give. Truly.

My gosh, she sounded so sweet and innocent in her ad! I must bring out the best in some people.
It should also be noted that everything I post is directly copy/pasted from the original correspondence. I don't edit any ones misspellings, abbreviations, or grammatical errors. Funny though, how so many people have no clue where their little spell-checker button is.

Original ad:
Very competitive rates.

This is all the work I do!
I Absolutely LOVE animals and have always owned a dogs. I believe it is God's closest creation of pure love.
I Know and research supports, that animals need to stay in their homes, their own environments verses being boarded.
I am flexible in the way you might need me from visits per day to overnight stays to daily dog walking. I also have a large fenced-in yard and could keep them at my home with me.

My rates include:
1. Lots of Individual, ONE-ON-ONE love and attention. I am home with them almost the Entire time. I am a strong believer in petting and talking to them often. Also, I have a 13 yr. old Beagle that Loves other dogs and All dogs love him.
2. A Daily, minimum thirty minute walk, if your dog is up for it. I could walk twice during the day, also.
3. Fresh water daily and a Feeding once or twice a day, whatever schedule they are on. Their snack/treat when they normally get them.
4. I have a pet door and a big fenced-in backyard so they can go potty or poop anytime they have to.
5. Should your dog ever need emergency attention, I will take them to the emergency room.

If you are going to be away, I could also water your plants, bring in your mail, adjust lighting and blinds and other small duties that we would agree upon.
I can work with my rates so that we are both comfortable with them.
The important thing is that your pets will be loved as if they are my own!

To: Liz xxxxxx
From: Jacky Maille
Subj: Pet Sitting

Your ad was very intriguing to me. I too have a pure-bred short-legged beagle named Vinnie Flex. He's five years old and I've had him since he was a puppy. I also have a raccoon the same age named Handsome Pete. I found him in the woods as a baby and I have cared for him ever since. Vinnie and Pete are an inseparable pair.

I'm getting ready to do some jail time. The judge said 30 days, but with any luck I'll probably be out in 15. What would you charge to take care of my special companions and what all would you require of me?

Jacky Maille
To: Jacky
From: Liz

Jacky, be glad to take care of your beagle but sorry, not Handsome Pete. May I ask what you are doing jail time for?
Thanks, Liz

To: Liz
From: Jacky

Oh the jail thing...nothing violent I assure you. Apparently sunbathing nude in a public park in Fulton County is against the law. Who knew? This is what happens when the Democrats are left in charge.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you won't be willing to take Pete on. I just can't let the two be apart for any length of time. If you look at the picture you'll see just how inseparable they are. Unless you're willing to reconsider, I'll just go with my backup plan which is have my Aunt Bernice come stay over. I'm not too crazy about the idea. The last time she stayed over while I was locked up she smoked all of my weed and left pizza boxes and Chinese takeout bags all over the house. But, you know, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

If you change your mind let me know by Thursday morning as that's when I'm due to report.

Thanks for your time.
To: Jacky
From: Liz

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This has got to be a joke so go fuck yourself. You're probably one of those nasty, fucking scammer/thieves! DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN AND I'M REPORTING YOU TO CRAIGS LIST, MOTHERFUCKER!
Wow. Probably a good thing I don't have a craigslist account, isn't it!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG I cant type from the tears running down my face from laughibg!!! I can take both Pete and the short legged Beagle any time. Just let me know where to hide your weed so Pete doesnt eat it.