Monday, June 14, 2010
Fun with Omegle--Wolf Blitzer Edition
For those who've been living in a cave, Omegle is that wacky random chat room that's sweeping the world by storm. You can see my previous Omegle chats here and here.
And while it may seem that I'm ripping on CNN, I actually prefer the network to it's bitch-ass competitor, Fox "News". I'm really just ripping on Wolf Blitzer because he's a whore. And to give credit where credit is due, "Scooter" was a great sport. Poor kid.
You is me aka Wolf Blitzer
Stranger is stranger aka "Scooter"
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello I'm Wolf Blitzer and you're in the Situation Room on CNN
Stranger: No way! This is awesome
You: We're doing a story on Omegle. Would you be interested in participating? You are free to remain anonymous
Stranger: Yeah, sure.
You: Very good
You: Can you give us your age? and gender please?
Stranger: I am a 16 year old male.
You: Excellent. We're going to call you Scooter
You: We'll be right back
Stranger: Are we back yet?
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, BP is going to try plan #367 to try to stop the oil leak. This time they're sure it'll work. But right now in the Situation Room we're live with Scooter, a 16 year old sexual Predator who uses Omegle to stalk his prey
Stranger: Oh no I'm not a sexual predator. I'm too young.
You: Scooter, can you tell us how long you've been using random chat rooms like Omegle?
Stranger: Hmm, well this is the only chat room I use and just 3 or 4 months.
Stranger: You type slow, hehe.
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, Vince Young in a heap of trouble beating up a prostitute outside a Dallas strip club.
Stranger: Can we get back to me?
You: But now, we're live with Scooter, a victim of sexual predation
Stranger: Yes, yes. It was awful.
You: Scooter, how many times would you say you've been approached by old fat men looking for sex?
Stranger: Well Wolf, as you can see I'm pretty damn sexy. *crowd laughs* I'd say at least 10 times in the past two months.
You: And how much money have you been offered Scooter?
Stranger: Honestly, countless amounts. They just start throwing money at me begging me to have sex with them. If I actually went through it, it would be a damn good way to make a living. *crowd laughs again*
You: Coming up later in The Situation Room, World Cup Madness--Did Team USA score their only goal of the Cup? But now, we're back with Scooter
You: Scooter, tell us how many hours you spend on average in a day here in the Omegle chat room?
Stranger: Well I really only get on here once every couple of weeks, but if i do manage to get on it's for a good couple of hours.
You: Up next in the Situation Room, North Korea talking tough to the innocent children of South Korea
You: But now we're talking to Scooter in the Omegle Chat room. Scooter spends his days locked in a basement with only the internet as a way to see the outside world
You: Scooter are you still with us?
Stranger: No, no you've twisted the story to your own sick fantasy. I'm actually quite commonly found outside. In fact, I just took a camping trip this weekend and met some new people
You: Scooter, do you find my beard sexy?
Stranger: No, I can't say I do.
You: Would you say that it makes me look distinguished in it's natural grey state? Or do you think I should dye it for a younger more energetic look?
Stranger: You know, I don't see the relevance of this. I think we're done with this interview now.
You: Coming up next in the Situation Room, a sixteen year-old male is missing and presumed kidnapped as a result of talking to a 52 year-old pedophile in the chat room known as Omegle. I'm Wolf Blitzer, stay tuned.
Stranger: Oh, how fun
You: Hello, I'm James earl Jones. This is CNN.
Stranger: Where did the guy with the stupid name go?
You: Head on, apply it directly to the forehead
Stranger: Ok. That's where I leave
Stranger: Goodbye everyone.
Stranger: *crowd cheers*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.