Friday, July 09, 2010

Freaky Roommate (Weekends Only!)

Original ad:

I have a room for a freaky female for the weekend an Unfurnished room if you interested email me and I will let you know its cost please be presentable looking you must be alone no smoking in the house must be clean age or race does not matter but no kids or pets and no company please send photo 


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To: Mark 
From: Jacky



Hi there!
I am replying to your ad on C-List.  I am most definitely a "freaky female" and I am looking for a place to stay for a few months in the area.  Can you provide me a little more detail on what exactly you're looking for and what sort of place you have?  
Look forward to hearing from you

Toodles!
Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mark

I live in a subdivision its about10 years old but its a room for the weekend(S) only in split foyer home please tell me about yourself more Im AA  in my 40's clean I can talk more if you leave contact number

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To: Mark
From: Jacky


Hi Mark!
I'm not sure I quite follow you on the "weekends" part.  Is this unfurnished room only available on the weekends?  Maybe I'm just misreading it.  
Anyway, as I said earlier, I am most definitely freaky! I'm 28, and a college graduate  I'm into pets, outdoor activities, watersports and whatever else you can name!  I too am very clean.  I spend an awful lot of money at Bath & Bodyworks.  I also shop at Fredrick's of Hollywood and Starship.  I'm what you would call a trust-fund brat so money isn't really an issue for me.  
I can send you a picture if you like.

Winkers,
Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mark

send it 

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To: Mark
From: Jacky


Hi again Mork!

I have to go through my laptop to find a good picture of me (I promise I'll send it soon!).  While I'm looking, can you tell me what you mean by "weekends"?  Is that like when your wife's away or something?
Because that's cool and all, I'm just wondering.

Freakishly yours,
Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mark

hey again no I do not have a wife and I have a girlfriend  so she claim that stays near the Alabama line I do not see her on the regular no so I do not feel the lovey doveyness in a relationship plus I have not really been anywhere much with women so I just try to do something with someone who is alright with what I do thats all freak , drink and chill youknow go downtown Atlanta walk through parks or Malls as if we are really serious couple or whatever but make the most out of whatever and no drama do you drink socialable or smoke cigarettes and weekends Im talking about Friday,Saturday,Sunday it can be with me I don't care it must be fun though if not you will have to stay in the room unfurnished you could bring a inflatable bed are something I have a king size bed so if you are interested let me know ok

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To: Mark
From: Jacky


Hey Murk!
That sounds really swell!  I'm sending along a pic right now (sorry it took so long!).  We should talk more very soon!



Snuggles!
Jacky

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[24 hours later]

To: Mark
From: Jacky

Hey Nark
I haven't heard back from you yet.  Are we still on for the weekend?  I'm hoping so.  I'll be free after five o'clock today.  Let me know.

xoxoxo
Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mark

gotohelll!!! you fucking faggit your first mistake was telling me yourname ans now I know what you look like Im going to fucking kill you you fucking homo querre I know all about you!

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To: Mark
From: Jacky

Hey Narf

What's got you so upset?  I know I have a little more body hair than most ladies, but I'm not going to apologize for that.  I thought about laser hair removal, but my step-father says I'm beautiful the way God made me!  Are you angry because I use complete sentences and punctuation?  Or are you just dirty talking me, you sexy beast?  
Anyway, my bag is packed and I'm ready for a freaky weekend!  Let's do this!

Sexually Yours,
Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mark

your a dead man Jack you fucking homo I'll kill you if I ever see you with my bear hands homos stay off craigslist!!!




3 comments:

Minci said...

Awww.. your first death threat! Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for the "dude" in that picture if he lives near "Nark". This is some funny stuff. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

If I were you, I'd be afraid of those "bear hands".