Au Revoir, 2010

Well, it's nearly a new year, Jacky Maille fans.  I just wanted to wish my dozens of readers a happy 2011!  We sure had fun in 2010, didn't we?  We trolled companies like Kroger and Starbucks.  We tried to make Cock Retrievers THE dog breed to have.  We looked for several roommates and jobs to no avail.  My personal favorite was the Female Voice Over.  Oddly, the most read post of 2010 was the one with the cheese and cracker trays.

Thanks again for joining me for a fun year of pissing off the interwebs.  2011 should be lots of fun as well.  Who knows what we'll be capable of in the next 365 days?

Remember, Jacky is always open to suggestions, comments, and questions.  Feel free to use the comment box below, or e-mail me at drewcifer66@gmail.com .

Happy New Year to everyone!

Goth Chick

You know, I have dated quite a few goth chicks in my time.  Sure, they're freaky little minxes but they're almost all psychotic.  I saw this ad on Craigslist where the dude was looking for a goth chick to be a model (yeah right...) and I just thought to myself, "Man, this guy has no idea what he's getting into looking for a goth chick."  So I decided to show him just how insane they can be.  


Original ad:

Goth Model Wanted
Seeking female models with a goth / alt look interested in doing paid modeling. 
Send recent photosample with e-mail reply. 


==============================================


To: Paul
From: "Aurora Despayre" aka Jacky Maille


Greetings to you

I am a goth chick and I will be your model
I have the body of a 23 year-old
But I am really a 266 year old vampyre
Darkness clings to my eternal soul

So how much does this modeling gig pay, anyway?

Aurora Despayre

=========================================

To: Aurora
From: Paul

Sounds good. I'm intrigued. Pay depends. I like doing a mix of clothed and nude shots. Do you have a photosample you can send? -Paul


===============================================


To: Paul
From: Aurora

I once knew a Paul 100 years ago

He wounded my soul

I photograph best nude lying on a bed of black rose petals

with the light of the full moon shining on my pale skin

Enclosed is a recent photograph of me

taken by my the famous DJ Formaldehyde.

I'm available every night after the sun goes down.

Aurora Despayre

 

=========================================

To: Aurora

From: Paul

I'm definitely interested  - located in Atlanta...

========================================

To: Paul

From: Aurora

Oh I'm sure you are interested, Paul the Photographer!

I'm sure you just want to have your way with me.

I am not your sexual object nor anyone else's!

Quit being a troll on Craigslist you perverted orangutan!

Whatever.  I'm just going to cut myself.  I'll be at the mall with my friends talking about being misunderstood and bats.

Death to your soul,

Aurora Despayre

==========================================

To: Aurora

From: Paul

That's different - will give you that. 

==========================================

To: Paul

From: Aurora

I love you.

=========================================

Fun With Omegle--Tech Support Edition

The great thing about Omegle is that there's no telling who's on the other end.  They can say they're any age/gender/location/whatever.  I should know, I'm a little bit of everything when I go down there. 

You: Hello


Stranger: Hi.

You: I really need some help here

Stranger: With whut...?

You: The DVD drive on my laptop won't load myDora the Explorer DVD

Stranger: Okay . . .

Stranger: So . . . Cleaned it?

You: It won't load any of my DVDs

You: tried that

You: I really want to watch my DVD

Stranger: Maybe the file that's on your DVD isn't working on your laptop...

Stranger: Like, WMA doesn't work on my phone.

You: Okay, it's not really Dora the Explorer

Stranger: I figured.

You: It's a porno called Dora the Anal Explorer

Stranger: Ah~Ah.

Stranger: You must REALLY want to watch it then.

You: I can't get any of them to work

You: Spoogebob Square Nuts

You: District 69

You: Alice in Lesbo Land

You: My Cousin Vinny the Dildo Salesman

Stranger: And you don't have a normal DVD player...?

You: I do, but I can't use the regular TV.

You: My mom is watching The View

Stranger: O... kay...

You: Hell, Hannah Montana isn't working either

You: MY mom told me that this was the website for Tech Support

Stranger: Just something to say - do you have any idea that you're talking to a 14 year old girl now...?

You:  Seriously?  14 year-old girls are doing tech support now?

You:  It's okay, I'm a girl too.  I'm 16.

Stranger: Liar

You:  No, you're the liar.  And this is the most unprofessional tech support I have ever recieved.  Is there a supervisor I can speak with?

Stranger: You're a great troll though.

Stranger: Funny too.

Stranger: Congrats.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.