Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Boycott Starbucks!

It's common knowledge to every American alive that the Starbucks Corporation has invaded every street corner in the USA.  Go to any shopping mall and you'll run across at least three Starbucks franchises.   Starbucks has not only infiltrated and injected itself into American culture, it has laid its eggs into our collective consicousnesses.  There is even a Starbucks near Ground Zero in Hiroshima!

While people are enjoying their coffees, lattes, cappucinos, and iced frappacinos, they remain blissfully unaware of the atrocities committed by the vast crime syndicate/coffee retailer known as Starbucks. 


Despite numerous death threats, I'm going to expose a few of the skeletons in the cellar of the Starbucks Home 
Office.

1)  Every coffee bean imported from South America for use in Starbucks Coffee is hand burnt by a Costa Rican immigrant with a Bic lighter.  He spends 16 hours a day, burning already roasted coffee beans one by one with his lighter. Starbucks pays him a KFC gift card worth $25 dollars every week.

2)  All of the delightful pastries you purchase from the Starbucks cooler were made in Bulgaria.  They were made by child slave labor in muffin making sweatshops. Big strapping German men in leather and jackboots whip these child slaves repeatedly yelling, "Knead da dough, knead da dough!!"

3) Starbucks doesn't use regular cows' milk.  Every Starbucks Latte, Cappucino, Frappe, etc is made with milk from hamsters in Mexico. 





These poor hamsters are fed corn then impregnated to produce milk for the Starbucks Corporation.  Every Starbucks has a room marked "Employees Only".  Behind that door is the hamster rape/milking room...

Save the rainforest, save the Bulgarian children, and above all, save the poor innocent hamsters:  Boycott Starbucks!!!



6 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is so not true. Why don't you take that hamster and stick it up your ass!!!

Jacky's Mama said...

To anonymous: Don't promote the continued abuse of the little hamsters. You are cruel and in humane

aaaa said...

i m from brasil i m jail mr chairman globo tv mr roberto irineu marinho this men put police every day

KatDawg said...

First it was WWE, then Kroger, now Starbucks. I hope you have a good attorney! You're getting sued dude!~

Popanator said...

That's why Starbucks coffee tastes like shit, and not in a good way. I made better coffee at home using my skid marked underwear as the coffee filter. Mmm...

The Hampster said...

Thank you for the corn and the kfc geeftcard, meester bossman!!!!