Fun With Omegle--Tech Support Edition

The great thing about Omegle is that there's no telling who's on the other end.  They can say they're any age/gender/location/whatever.  I should know, I'm a little bit of everything when I go down there. 

You: Hello


Stranger: Hi.

You: I really need some help here

Stranger: With whut...?

You: The DVD drive on my laptop won't load myDora the Explorer DVD

Stranger: Okay . . .

Stranger: So . . . Cleaned it?

You: It won't load any of my DVDs

You: tried that

You: I really want to watch my DVD

Stranger: Maybe the file that's on your DVD isn't working on your laptop...

Stranger: Like, WMA doesn't work on my phone.

You: Okay, it's not really Dora the Explorer

Stranger: I figured.

You: It's a porno called Dora the Anal Explorer

Stranger: Ah~Ah.

Stranger: You must REALLY want to watch it then.

You: I can't get any of them to work

You: Spoogebob Square Nuts

You: District 69

You: Alice in Lesbo Land

You: My Cousin Vinny the Dildo Salesman

Stranger: And you don't have a normal DVD player...?

You: I do, but I can't use the regular TV.

You: My mom is watching The View

Stranger: O... kay...

You: Hell, Hannah Montana isn't working either

You: MY mom told me that this was the website for Tech Support

Stranger: Just something to say - do you have any idea that you're talking to a 14 year old girl now...?

You:  Seriously?  14 year-old girls are doing tech support now?

You:  It's okay, I'm a girl too.  I'm 16.

Stranger: Liar

You:  No, you're the liar.  And this is the most unprofessional tech support I have ever recieved.  Is there a supervisor I can speak with?

Stranger: You're a great troll though.

Stranger: Funny too.

Stranger: Congrats.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Fun with Omegle--Wolf Blitzer Edition

For those who've been living in a cave, Omegle is that wacky random chat room that's sweeping the world by storm. You can see my previous Omegle chats here and here.
And while it may seem that I'm ripping on CNN, I actually prefer the network to it's bitch-ass competitor, Fox "News". I'm really just ripping on Wolf Blitzer because he's a whore. And to give credit where credit is due, "Scooter" was a great sport. Poor kid.

Remember:
You is me aka Wolf Blitzer
Stranger is stranger aka "Scooter"


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello I'm Wolf Blitzer and you're in the Situation Room on CNN
Stranger: No way! This is awesome
You: We're doing a story on Omegle. Would you be interested in participating? You are free to remain anonymous
Stranger: Yeah, sure.
You: Very good
You: Can you give us your age? and gender please?
Stranger: I am a 16 year old male.
You: Excellent. We're going to call you Scooter
Stranger: =D
You: We'll be right back
Stranger: Are we back yet?
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, BP is going to try plan #367 to try to stop the oil leak. This time they're sure it'll work. But right now in the Situation Room we're live with Scooter, a 16 year old sexual Predator who uses Omegle to stalk his prey
Stranger: Oh no I'm not a sexual predator. I'm too young.
You: Scooter, can you tell us how long you've been using random chat rooms like Omegle?
Stranger: Hmm, well this is the only chat room I use and just 3 or 4 months.
Stranger: You type slow, hehe.
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, Vince Young in a heap of trouble beating up a prostitute outside a Dallas strip club.
Stranger: Can we get back to me?
You: But now, we're live with Scooter, a victim of sexual predation
Stranger: Yes, yes. It was awful.
You: Scooter, how many times would you say you've been approached by old fat men looking for sex?
Stranger: Well Wolf, as you can see I'm pretty damn sexy. *crowd laughs* I'd say at least 10 times in the past two months.
You: And how much money have you been offered Scooter?
Stranger: Honestly, countless amounts. They just start throwing money at me begging me to have sex with them. If I actually went through it, it would be a damn good way to make a living. *crowd laughs again*
You: Coming up later in The Situation Room, World Cup Madness--Did Team USA score their only goal of the Cup? But now, we're back with Scooter
You: Scooter, tell us how many hours you spend on average in a day here in the Omegle chat room?
Stranger: Well I really only get on here once every couple of weeks, but if i do manage to get on it's for a good couple of hours.
You: Up next in the Situation Room, North Korea talking tough to the innocent children of South Korea
You: But now we're talking to Scooter in the Omegle Chat room. Scooter spends his days locked in a basement with only the internet as a way to see the outside world
You: Scooter are you still with us?
Stranger: No, no you've twisted the story to your own sick fantasy. I'm actually quite commonly found outside. In fact, I just took a camping trip this weekend and met some new people
You: Scooter, do you find my beard sexy?
Stranger: No, I can't say I do.
You: Would you say that it makes me look distinguished in it's natural grey state? Or do you think I should dye it for a younger more energetic look?
Stranger: You know, I don't see the relevance of this. I think we're done with this interview now.
You: Coming up next in the Situation Room, a sixteen year-old male is missing and presumed kidnapped as a result of talking to a 52 year-old pedophile in the chat room known as Omegle. I'm Wolf Blitzer, stay tuned.
Stranger: Oh, how fun
You: Hello, I'm James earl Jones. This is CNN.
Stranger: Where did the guy with the stupid name go?
You: Head on, apply it directly to the forehead
Stranger: Ok. That's where I leave
Stranger: Goodbye everyone.
Stranger: *crowd cheers*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Fun with Omegle--Crystal Meth Edition

You know, for someone who's never been a meth-head I do a pretty good impression of one. Towards the end here I was laughing so hard I couldn't see to type. Once again, Omegle is a random chat website that lets you talk anonymously to complete strangers. Whoever came up with the concept is a freakin' genius and is my hero.

Dramatis personae:
You = Me
Stranger = Stranger


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hihihihihihihihi
Stranger: hihihihihihihihi
You: I need a fucking break already
Stranger: just fuck with your keyboard
You: I've been cleaning my trailer since midnight and I've had six kids over here since 8am
You: I've been soooo jacked up on meth for like three days straight
Stranger: so what would you do?
You: I need my boyfriend to go get me more meth but the shitweasel got locked up again
You: if I don't get some more, I'm going to go apeshit on all these kids
Stranger: lol
Stranger: why you dont kill them?
You: because I get paid to watch them. well, four of them anyway. the other two are mine
Stranger: i c
Stranger: where is your boyfriend?
You: jail, probably
Stranger: lol
You: that's usually where he is when I don't hear from him for a few days
You: when he gets out, I'm going to rip his dick off with my bare fucking hands and feed it to the neighbors rottweiler
Stranger: you miss him so much right?
You: no, but like I said, I need to get some more fucking meth, and I don't want to have to go to the liquor store and suck some dick to get some
You: it's like 30 minutes away and I'd have to leave the 6 year old in charge again
You: and last time she let the kids go through the knife drawer
Stranger: lol
Stranger: so fucked up
You: you better believe it
You: you a girl too?
Stranger: nope
Stranger: i'm a male
Stranger: lol
You: so you probably have no idea what the hell I'm talking about
You: you've never had to suck dick for drugs probably
You: word of advice: Drink some fucking pineapple juice.
Stranger: so girl have big sense right?
You: whatever...I said DRINK SOME GODDAMN PINEAPPLE JUICE!!!!
Stranger: yeah do what u want girl
You: I'm sick of all you men having nasty ass tasting jizz
You: if I wanted that taste in my mouth, I'd suck on my tampon
You: I'm sorry...I didn't mean to go off
You: please don't go away...
Stranger: whatever
You: I just get so sketchy sometimes when I'm coming down
You: and these kids are driving up a MOTHER FUCKING WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Stranger: why you still do this job?
You: I'm sorry...you're probably a nice guy.
You: tell me about yourself
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: i feel shame
You: why? what's wrong?
You: tell me
Stranger: cause i have no good english
You: what's your name?
You: My name is Jacky
Stranger: my name is Idan
Stranger: where do you live?

You: Jasper, GA
You: Where do you live, Dan?
Stranger: im indonesian
You: really? I have an aunt that lives there...
Stranger: wow
You: right outside Gary Indiana, actually
You: she used to send me money, but she stopped a a year or so ago.
You: FUCKING CUNTRAG!!!!!!
You: I don't hold it against you or anything. Not all people from Indiana are assholes
Stranger: i c
Stranger: you're just depressed
Stranger: are you still feeling down?
You: Oh, so you're a doctor now? Doctor Dan from Indiana!!! Well fuck you Doctor Dan FUCK YOU!!!!
You: I will crawl through this fucking monitor and come out on your side in Indiana and I'll bite your fucking dick off too!!!
Stranger: wow, you're bad
You: I still have most of my front teeth you know
Stranger: think i must disconnect with you
You: FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU
You: typical man
You: only after this pussy
You: PUSSSYPUSSYPUSSY!!!!
Stranger: sorry im just a kid
You: YEAH WELL DON'T GROW UP TO BE LIKE YOUR DAD
Stranger: yeah, i know
Stranger: because you grow up like your grandma
Stranger: is your grandma a man?
You: oh so now you're so clever, aren't you doctor Dan?
You: You don't know my grandma. Ever since she got out of prison she's been a saint
Stranger: im a doctor
You: goes to church every Sunday
Stranger: and her god is satan, right?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Fun with Omegle--Sarah Palin Edition

If you've never tried Omegle, I highly recommend it! The concept is simple: Talk to strangers! It's like an instant messenger roulette wheel. At any given time, there's between 4,000 to 7,000 people online spinning the wheel. Of course, a good 95% of those people are horny 19 year-old males looking for cyber sex. A good chat on Omegle is like mining for gold nuggets in a mountain of dog turds: If you're patient enough, you'll eventually find a winner.

The following is an unedited and uncensored conversation that took place on Omegle earlier today. "You" is me and "Stranger" is obviously a stranger:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!


You: Hi! I'm Sarah Palin!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: i am varma
You: Gosh, that sounds contagious!
Stranger: nice to meet you Sarah Palin
Stranger: your from?
You: Alaska. I can see Russia from my back yard!
You: Can I call you Joe?
Stranger: okay
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: you can
Stranger: but why?
You: That's just swell!
Stranger: age?
You: 50, but I don't look a day over 47
Stranger: occupation?
You: Well, I was Governor of Alaska, but I quit that job. Too gosh darn hard. Now I let people write books that I put my name on and collect the royalties.
You: What do you do, Joe?
Stranger: student
Stranger: i am just 19
Stranger: which books did you write?
You: Good for you, Joe! Stay in school! Maybe some day you can be Vice President of the good ol' US of A!
Stranger: i am from india
You: Going Rogue (please buy it!)
You: Indiana? I've been there!
Stranger: not indiana, it is india..............
You: What state is that in, Joe?
Stranger: it is country.............second place in world population
You: Oh gosh! Well, I think it's just swell that third world countries have internet access! \
You: And schools too!
You: That's in South America, right?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.