Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dear Kroger: Your Labels Lie!

Kroger is a rather large grocery store chain based out of Cincinnati, Ohio with stores all across the United States.  Like many retailers, they have their own generic brand-name products on the shelves alongside the major label goods.  The following is an unedited correspondence I had with Kroger's "Consumer Affairs" Department concerning their labeling on a can of olives.  Remember dear reader:  Jacky Maille is always on the lookout for you, the consumer!  Enjoy!

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To: Kroger
From: Jacky Maille

Dear Kroger,

 I was recently browsing through one of your fine stores last week when I ran across a can of Kroger Brand Ripe Olives (Small Pitted).  The picture on the can depicted four ripe, delicious black olives on a bed of luscious penne pasta and roasted red peppers with just the right amount of what appears to be oregano.  I thought to myself, "My what a tasty snack that would make!"  So I purchased the can and went home.  I opened up the can and emptied it out in a bowl, eagerly anticipating my newfound Mediterranean feast.  It was all olives.  No pasta.  No roasted red peppers.  Nothing but olives.  I returned to the same location the next day and bought another can, thinking perhaps I had a defective can.  But alas, same thing:  olives only.  I feel as though I have been defrauded by your labeling and packaging company.  I had every intent to purchase a canned mouth-watering olive-pasta-red pepper treat.  Instead, I only got olives.
I am very upset with you and I hope we can come to some happy resolution on this whole deal.

Sincerely,
Jacky Maille

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To:  Jacky Maille
From: Christie Mxxxxxxx, Consumer Affairs

Dear Ms. Maille:
Thank you for contacting The Kroger Co.  I apologize for the delay in responding to your email.  The product is clearly labeled as black olives.  The picture of the pasta salad is merely a suggestion on how the olives may be used.

If you have any further concerns or questions please feel free to contact us at 800.632.6900.

Sincerely,

Christie Mxxxxxxxx
Consumer Affairs

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To: Christie@Kroger
From: Jacky Maille



Chestie,

Thank you for your reply.  Perhaps the blame lies with me.  I never learned how to read when I was young.  It's something I'm very sensitive about.  Anyway, from now on I know that whenever I buy a Kroger Brand product, I'm only going to get a third of what is depicted on the label.  Thank you for clearing this up for me. 
Hey, at least you guys have those cool TV carts to ride around in.  Has anyone ever suggested maybe adding some leg room so adults like myself can ride in them more comfortably?  Hey, maybe you could have previews of upcoming DVD releases on them.  Just an idea. Hey,  good luck with that ice cream recall, by the way.

Sinfully,
Jacky Maille






5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually the pasta and olives on that label looks pretty good. I may try to make that myself. I didn't come here for recipie ideas.

Popanator said...

I laughed my ass off when you wrote "I've never learned how to read". Excellent post!

Anonymous said...

So you're the reason the rest of us have to be bothered by those damn stupid "Serving Suggestion" labels on almost everything. Thanks loads!

Kroger Headquarters said...

You'll be hearing from our legal department soon.

Anonymous said...

No, the label didn't lie. You just need an adult to go shopping with you. On my container of "Comet" cleanser there are pictures of two sinks, an oven, a bathtub, and a toilet. My box of cat-litter has a picture of three cats on it. I've got a box, that a knee brace came in, that has a picture of the brace on a human leg. I'd shit bricks if there was actually a leg in the box. Go back to eating at fast-food joints where you can just point at the pictures on the wall.