Sunday, May 30, 2010

Cock Retriever

Original ad:
Cocker Spaniel Needs Female Mate
38 lbs 6 years old Blonde adult male needs mate. Looking for female Cocker Spaniel mate, ownees will split litter in half after 8 to 10 weeks. with mother.

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To: Shaun xxxxxx
From: Jacky Maille
Subj: Doggy Date

Hi there!

I was very excited to run across your ad! I too am a dog lover and have been blessed to have many canine companions throughout my life. I think we can help each other out and start something huge. Not to mention let our dogs get a little lovin' on the side ;)

I have a 2 year-old black Flat Coated Retriever bitch named named Puddytat (AKC Registered). I am interested in breeding her with a Cocker Spaniel so that I can create my own line of designer dogs: Cock Retrievers! I figure with the rise of such designer breeds like Labradoodles, YorkiePoos, Schnorkies, etc., the world is definitely ready for Cock Retrievers! I'm estimating that people will pay between $850-$1000 for a Cock Retriever. Of course, you and I will split the proceeds 50/50.



Puddytat has not had puppies yet, but she came from a litter of 8. So we're looking to split between 6 to 8 thousand bucks!
How about it? Reply back to this e-mail address, and we'll try to set up a doggy date and unleash an army of Cock Retrievers on the world!

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Shaun
re: Doggy Date

Jacky
Thats gotta be some of the gayest shit I ever heard. Sorry but not interested. We want cocker puppies. Not mutts.
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To: Shaun
From: Jacky

I'm sorry you feel that way Shawnnie. I beg you to reconsider though. First of all, a Cock Retriever is not a mutt. It's a bonafide designer dog. People who hunt with dogs would pay top dollar for a Cock Retriever. And you mentioned that my offer sounded gay. Exactly! Do you know how many gay people live in Atlanta (not that there's anything wrong with that)? These guys would be all over Piedmont Park proudly walking their Cock Retrievers. It'll be the new status symbol, much like inner city thugs with their Pit Bulls. And everyone knows gay people have more disposable income than the rest of us, as they don't have kids like the rest of us. So of course, they'll pay top dollar too.

We really should set something up the sooner the better. Puddytat is getting ready to go into heat and I'm sure she's ready to get some Cocker cock all up in her. Let me know!

Jacky Maille
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To: Jacky
From: Shaun

I'm sur if you put up an ad on craigslist you can find someone to help you out. We already found a mate for our dog thank you very much. And you got some weird shit to say bout gay people. My wifes cousin is gay and hes always broke.
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To: Shaun
From: Jacky

I hate to hear that Shane. You could have made thousands on a litter of genuine Cock Retrievers, but instead you decided to create more boring-ass psycho puppies who grow up to be boring-ass psycho dogs that can't control their bladders and pee everywhere and then you're begging people to take them off your hands. Great. But ten years from now when Cock Retrievers are the most popular designer dogs in the US, don't come crying to me about how you missed your golden opportunity. You'll be sitting in your living room watching an Animal Planet special on the popularity of Cock Retrievers while your little Spaniels are busy peeing all over the place. They'll be interviewing me and you'll go, "Man I coulda got in on that action from the very beginning. I shoulda listened to that dude!"

Oh well. Best of luck to you Shamus, and your little piddlers.

Jacky Maille
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To: Jacky
From: Shaun

Man your crazy. I'm glad you mentioned you were a dude cuz I was really wondering. Maybe I'll see you in the park with your gay friends and your gay dogs.

2 comments:

VertoLoc said...

I hate cocker spaniels. You're right, they do pee on everything.

Menuge Keotki said...

lol! Instead of having a "Golden Opportunity", Shaun wasted it on a "Golden Shower"!
Because all those puppies were going to pee on him...