Public Masturbation in Kentucky

Dateline: Knob Creek, KY

Kentucky State Senator Jack Inghoff (R-Naturally) is proposing a bill in the state senate that would impose stiff penalties on public masturbating.  The bill is in response to an incident that occurred in the the legislators home district of Knob Creek.

The current law in Kentucky for public masturbating provides for a fine of $500 and/or six months of probation.  Senator Inghoff's proposed bill would stiffen the penalties threefold; $1500, and six months minimum jail sentence.  The bill has support from other members of the Kentucky legislature.

"It's a sin against God to abuse oneself in private, " says State Senator Phil McCrakin (R-Dongsford County), "...but it should be our mission in the State Senate to make it a crime publicly."

The action in the state legislature stems from an incident that occurred in Senator Inghoff's home district.  Police had arrested a local man, Nolan "Woody" Jackson, for indecent exposure outside a gentleman's club in Pentup County.  When brought before Judge Ben Grippinett, he stated, "While this might be viewed by some as a juicy case, I am tied up by the law of the land."

Jackson was sentenced to the maximum allowed by Kentucky law at the time. 

While the measure has some public support, Senator Anita Hurtin (D-Tuchit County) has expressed some concerns.  "Where do we draw the line?", she stated in a press coference outside the Statehouse in Frankfort, "What constitutes 'public' masturbating? If I'm alone in my house with the blinds slightly cracked, and someone sees me engaged in the act, would I go to prison?"

Senator Hurtin quickly amended her statement by adding, "Not that I would ever do that, of course...golly...I was speaking in hypotheticals there...is there a problem with the air conditioner in here?  It's awfully hot..."

The Kentucky State Legislature is due to adjourn for the holidays before Election Day.  Senate Majority leader, Bob Uppendoun stated, "This measure is important to all citizens of this fine state.  We'll do whatever we can to squeeze this one out in time."