Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Goth Chick

You know, I have dated quite a few goth chicks in my time.  Sure, they're freaky little minxes but they're almost all psychotic.  I saw this ad on Craigslist where the dude was looking for a goth chick to be a model (yeah right...) and I just thought to myself, "Man, this guy has no idea what he's getting into looking for a goth chick."  So I decided to show him just how insane they can be.  

Original ad:

Goth Model Wanted
Seeking female models with a goth / alt look interested in doing paid modeling. 
Send recent photosample with e-mail reply. 


To: Paul
From: "Aurora Despayre" aka Jacky Maille

Greetings to you

I am a goth chick and I will be your model
I have the body of a 23 year-old
But I am really a 266 year old vampyre
Darkness clings to my eternal soul

So how much does this modeling gig pay, anyway?

Aurora Despayre


To: Aurora
From: Paul

Sounds good. I'm intrigued. Pay depends. I like doing a mix of clothed and nude shots. Do you have a photosample you can send? -Paul


To: Paul
From: Aurora

I once knew a Paul 100 years ago
He wounded my soul

I photograph best nude lying on a bed of black rose petals
with the light of the full moon shining on my pale skin

Enclosed is a recent photograph of me
taken by my the famous DJ Formaldehyde.

I'm available every night after the sun goes down.

Aurora Despayre



To: Aurora
From: Paul

I'm definitely interested  - located in Atlanta...


To: Paul
From: Aurora

Oh I'm sure you are interested, Paul the Photographer!
I'm sure you just want to have your way with me.
I am not your sexual object nor anyone else's!
Quit being a troll on Craigslist you perverted orangutan!

Whatever.  I'm just going to cut myself.  I'll be at the mall with my friends talking about being misunderstood and bats.

Death to your soul,
Aurora Despayre


To: Aurora
From: Paul

That's different - will give you that. 


To: Paul
From: Aurora

I love you.



malicker said...

lol-DJ Formaldehyde! Did you make that up? That's awesome!

Menuge Keotki said...

I liked the part where you called "Paul" a "troll on Craigslist", when in reality, it is you who are the troll. You're a funny dude or chick. I'm not sure.

SuperPork said...

"I love you!" You're crazy!

BelaLugosisDead said...

You managed to portray that stereotype very accurately. You obviously hava a lot of experience with goth chicks.

Popanator said...

Awesome post! I laughed my ass off at the pic!

Mirza Teuku said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Your Ex! said...

I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off!

Opal said...

DJ Formaldehyde is an actual person. He's aDJ from Toronto. I dont know if u were making that up or if you really know who he is. What goth scenes do u haunt might I ask?