Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Santa For Hire


Original ad:


SANTA 4 HIRE!!
I AM YOUR SANTA FOR HIRE. MY PRICES ARE RECESSION PROOF AND I AM WILLING TO TRAVEL! 


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To: Santa
From: Jacky Maille


Dear Santa,



I could very much use your services.  I am the head of a large sales office that has been hit hard by the recession.  On December 15th,  I am going to be forced to lay off 250 employees.  These are going to mostly be middle class family type people.  They aren't aware that it's coming yet.  What I thought would be nice was to have Santa come on on the day that the layoffs are announced and hand out the pink slips. In the spirit of the holiday (and to prove I'm not a total Scrooge) I'm also going to be giving each laid-off employee a $10 Wendy's gift card, which you could also hand out.  After each laid-off employee gets their pink slip and gift card, security will escort them off the property.  I figure the festivities should last last no more than an hour, and I'll pay you $25 for your time.  Interested?

Jacky Maille
Operations Manager
Akimbo Software Solutions

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To: Jacky
From: Santa

I am already bookd thru the end of December an I am afraid I will have to decline your invitation. If you decide to look for another Santa you should probably know that the going rate for a Santa is between $75-$250 per HOUR.  A Real Beard Santa starts at $250 and for corporate events can go up to $1000 an hour. Costume rental is round $95 a day but most are already reserved before November.

Good luck and Merry Christmas

PS: I don't think its quite in the Holiday Spirit to do what you plan to do.  You should wait at least until after the New Year.  Just my two cents.

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To: Santa
From: Jacky


Dear Santa,

Just who in the blue hell are you to lecture me about what is in the "holiday spirit"?  Since when does a "Santa for Hire" who claims to be "recession proof" get the nerve to tell someone how to spend their American Express Corporate Card?  You're the one who's being a Scrooge, pal.    You place an ad on a very reputable website like Craigslist advertising a "recession proof Santa" who's "willing to travel" and then turn down my very generous offer to spread Holiday Cheer to what would otherwise be a gloomy event. And you have the gall to tell me how much to pay someone else? You must be the LeBron Fuckin' James of Santa Clauses!  

Tell you what, I'll pay you $55 for one hour and I'll give you two of those Wendy's gift cards.  That's my final offer.

Jacky Maille
Chief Thief Manager
Akimbo Software Solutions

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Two days later

To: Jacky
From: Santa

Santa doesn't like being pranked.  Pranksters go on the naughty list and get their e mails addresses reproted to craigslist.

Hohohoho MERRY CHRISTMAS

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5 comments:

Menuge Keotki said...

OMG! Jacky Maille is a REPUBLICAN!!!

jAAkEdUPnIgGa said...

LEBRON JAMES OF SANTA CLAUS!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Santa is a bitch.

LibK said...

Is this really what trolling has come to? Santa Claus? Really?

I used to believe in you. You've really stooped, Jacky Maille. Shame on you!

Popanator said...

You should be nicer to Santa. I never troll Santa, so I am sure he will leave me stocking full of delicious corn laden reindeer poo!