The Black Lips: Satan's New Musical Messengers

Original ad:


I need 1 to 2 tickets to the Black Lips/Deerhunter show at the eyedrum on dec 30th NOW! Willing to negotiate good money for it! I'm traveling 8 hours just to go to this show all in good faith! Please help if you know anyone going! Thank you! 


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To: Gabriel
From:  Jacky Maille

Dear The Black Lips Fan,

I seriously hope you're not going to hitchhike for 8 hours to see a The Black Lips in concert.  Are you truly aware of the evil that they cause?  Their music promotes Satanism, homosexuality, bestiality, masturbation,  and a host of other demonic sins.   You may as well attend a Black Mass in the fiery pits of Hell conducted by Satan himself.

The Black Lips concerts begin with the band leading the audience in a chant of passages from the Necronomicon, trying to raise the spirit of their dark master Cthulu. At some point during the show, each band member removes their pants and begins to masturbate on the audience.  When they achieve orgasm, they spray the audience with their devil slime which is a cue for the rest to follow suit.  Do you seriously want to be in the middle of 1,000 people with their genitals exposed and rubbing away?  Not to mention everyone there is on drugs.

The lead singer will often sodomize the bassist throughout the show.  The audience is usually unaware as they are at this point having a drug fueled orgy on the floor.  The Black Lips conclude each show by sacrificing a dog or cat that they have stolen from a local animal shelter to their lord and master Satan.

My church group has been picketing these Devil Masses for years now.  Anytime we are able to prevent even one person from being corrupted by these awful Satanmongers, we feel we have saved a soul for Jesus.  I will be praying for you.  I hope that the lord Jesus Christ will turn your eyes and ears away from the Devil and his evil band.  I would highly suggest you read your Bible and listen to more wholesome music like Reba McEntire and Toby Keith.  I understand what it's like to be young and confused.  I was once like you until someone showed me the path to pure salvation.

Good Luck to you, and may Jesus shine his glorious light on you and point you in the right direction.

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky

From: Gabriel

Wow seriously lady you are crazy!!!  You dont know whow all kinds of wrong you are! Black Lips aren ATHEISTS and dont even beleive in god or satan so they cant be bad like that!!  And just becuse they kiss once during that ONE SONG!!! doen't mean theyre homosexual or gay.  Theyre making fun of the people who are CONDMMING them!  

Im on my way I already Got my TICKETS  waiting 4 me, so if ur chooch group[ is waiting 4 us we dont give a FUCK about u!  BAD KIDS!!!!

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To: Gabriel

From: Jacky

Dude,

I'm just cranking you, man.  I have never even heard of The Black Lips until I saw your ad online.  Then I checked out some of their tracks on MySpace and youtube, and HOLY SHIT!!11!  The Black Lips are just awful!

I'm just trying to have fun.  This is my first internet.

Jacky

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To: Jacky

From: Gabriel

No way lady.  THEY JUSY KISSS.  Fucki you its not gay it's pissing you off!!!

 

Justin Bieber - Agent of Satan

Original Ad:
Looking for Justin Bieber Tickets for Gwinnett
If you have reasonably priced tickets and are unable to go I would like to find 2-4 tickets for the Aug show. 

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To: Mandi
From: Jacky

I have two seats in section 106, Row C, on the aisle. I had originally bought them for me and my girlfriend, but she decided to cheat on me after I bought the tickets. So I have no use for them.

Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mandi

Sorry to hear that. How much do you want for them?
Thanks
Mandi

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To: Mandi
From: Jacky

I payed $72 for both. I was thinking I might still go though, so that's one ticket? $36?? I dunno...math is hard.

Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Mandi

Hi Jack,
have you decided if you are going to make it to the show yet? If you decide to sell the tickets please let me know.
Thanks

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To: Mandi
From: Jacky

Oh absolutely not!
After speaking with my youth minister, not only am I going to burn my tickets, but I'm also going to destroy my t-shirts, posters and CDs. Justin Bieber is an agent of Satan!! If you play his music backwards, you can clearly hear him saying "Drink Blood, The Devil owns us all"! My youth minister also told me that Justin Bieber sacrifices baby sheep to the devil before every show and drinks their blood. He also comes from Canada, which is mentioned in the Bible as the birthplace for the Antichrist. It's in Revelations!!!

Please reconsider wanting to go as Justin Bieber is an agent of the Dark Lord and wants to turn your soul to him. My church youth group will be protesting the show outside the arena that night. I encourage you to join us!

Praise the Lord!
Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Mandi

Thats not true is it? I mean I'm a Christian too and I don't think Justin Bieber is bad. Theres alot worse out there and I definitely don't believe the part about the antichrist coming from canada. Im just interested in getting tickets for the concert. If you won't sell them just tell me

thanks

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Uh-oh...mom decided to get in on the act...
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To: Jacky
From: Becky Axxxx
Dear Jack,
I don't know who you think you are but you have made my 16 year-old daughter very upset. After reading your emails at first I thought you were trying to ask her out on a date (THE ANSWER IS NO!, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!) then you started spouting out all that garbage about Justin Bieber being Satanic. I can assure you that we are a christin household and Justin Bieber is perfectly innocent for my children. I don't know how old you are or what church you go to but you are definitely WAY OFF BASE! I hope you are happy with yourself, you have made a teenage girl cry.
Get a life,
Becky Axxxx

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To: Becky
From: Jacky

Dear Becky,
First of all, I can assure you that I was not asking your daughter out on a date! Second of all, if you are so concerned about your daughter's e-mail interactions, then why in the blue hell do you let her place ads on Craigslist? Craigslist is one of the slimiest websites on the internet. I'm 17 years old and I have two kids, and I can assure that when they're old enough, they won't be going to ANY websites without my supervision. Thirdly, how dare you question my religion! Did Jesus not say "Do not judge or you too will be judged" The Bible also says (somewhere in the back): "Behold the son of the Devil and his Maple Leaf." I would encourage you to attend our protest at the Arena as well on the night of the show, if you are as Christian as you say you are.

Jack E. Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Becky

Youre 17 and HAVE 2 KIDS?!!1? and you claim to be a cristian??? LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE and dont email us again.
Becky Axxxx

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To: Becky
From: Jacky

I'll leave your family alone trust me. But you better keep your kids off Craigslist. The Devil Himself lurks there.

Jacky