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Showing posts with label concert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label concert. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lady Gaga is a Dude




Original Ad:


i am looking for 2 lady gaga tickets, please-looking to pay a reasonable price..for seats...
thanks 


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To: Jamie
From: Jacky

If you're looking for tickets for "Lady" Gaga's show on April 18 at the Gwinnett Center, I can help.  I have two tickets for that concert and I absolutely refuse to attend, so I'm more than happy to sell them.  They're General Admission on the floor if that's okay with you.

Let me know.

Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Jamie

omg!!! yes absolutely i would love to have thos tickets!  how much do you want? and why don't you want ot go see lady gaga in concert...she's completely awesome?


if your talking about the rumors that shes gay or whatever...they arent true


she's not a lesbian...she's bi sexual


her music is awesome!!!


she's a great role model...she's prod of herself


she's a fan of androdgeny and likes the gender bender thing and that definitely started the rumors...


she said --when a guy says, oh I ****** all these chicks this week, there’s a high-five and giggling. But when a woman does it and it’s publicised or she’s open about her sexuality or she’s free, or liberated, it’s, Oh, she must have a ****. There’s a threat. i also carry myself onstage in a masculine way and sing in a low register. this is not out of nowhere, right?


she has also said she has a larger than normal clitorris


shegives us freedom in her music in a way that a others cant...


whatever the rumors are...i don't care 


i hope this helps clear things up for you...i would still like to buy those tickets from you if they are at a fair price...
thanks



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To: Jamie
From: Jacky

Here's the thing:  Lady Gaga is a dude.  Not that I have anything against cross-dressing and the trans-gendered.  In fact, some of my best friends are fruits.  Back in the day, I was a Boy George fan.  He was about as effeminate as they got back then, but at least he never claimed to be a female when in fact, he had a penis.

But as long as we're making lists (pardon my usage of capital letters):

I once met Lady Gaga.  I kept thinking to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!"  But she did.

At a recent Lady Gaga concert, the bomb squad had to evacuate the arena due to a "suspicious package" on the stage.

The song "Poker Face" is about her screwing a dude but wishing she were with a chick.  Ironically, so is the dude.

On her upcoming album she covers a Pussycat Dolls song, with her own spin on it; It's called "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hung Like Me".

She wrote her song "Bad Romance" about the first time she whipped her dick out on a guy.

Her meat dress brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "It looks like you're wearing your mom's curtains."

She refuses to use a cell phone because she's afraid to get a brain tumor.  Because you know, one swelling organ is enough, am I right?

I dared my wife to go as Lady Gaga to a costume party, but she didn't have the balls.

I will admit though, I was impressed by her meat dress.  She did a good job of hiding her sausage.
Lady Gaga's 'meat dress' caused a stir this week (Pic: AFP)



Also, I just checked, and the concert is not sold out yet (which restores my faith, albeit slightly, in the intelligence of the Atlanta populace).  You can still buy your own and not have to go through the hassle of negotiating with assholes on the internet.  Trust me, there's a ton of them out there...

Good luck to you, young Jamie.  You never specified your gender, but then again, you yourself said that Lady Gaga is a role model.  My only advice is to be yourself, and don't be afraid of your shift key.

Eternally,

Jacky Maille
Paparazzi!
Lady Gaga

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To: Jacky
From: Jamie

F*** yOU!!!  how do you like my shift key now you f***ing troll!!!

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To: Jacky
From: Jamie

and don't bother replying because i blocked your email...

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Black Lips: Satan's New Musical Messengers


Original ad:


I need 1 to 2 tickets to the Black Lips/Deerhunter show at the eyedrum on dec 30th NOW! Willing to negotiate good money for it! I'm traveling 8 hours just to go to this show all in good faith! Please help if you know anyone going! Thank you! 


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To: Gabriel
From:  Jacky Maille



Dear The Black Lips Fan,

I seriously hope you're not going to hitchhike for 8 hours to see a The Black Lips in concert.  Are you truly aware of the evil that they cause?  Their music promotes Satanism, homosexuality, bestiality, masturbation,  and a host of other demonic sins.   You may as well attend a Black Mass in the fiery pits of Hell conducted by Satan himself.

The Black Lips concerts begin with the band leading the audience in a chant of passages from the Necronomicon, trying to raise the spirit of their dark master Cthulu. At some point during the show, each band member removes their pants and begins to masturbate on the audience.  When they achieve orgasm, they spray the audience with their devil slime which is a cue for the rest to follow suit.  Do you seriously want to be in the middle of 1,000 people with their genitals exposed and rubbing away?  Not to mention everyone there is on drugs.

The lead singer will often sodomize the bassist throughout the show.  The audience is usually unaware as they are at this point having a drug fueled orgy on the floor.  The Black Lips conclude each show by sacrificing a dog or cat that they have stolen from a local animal shelter to their lord and master Satan.

My church group has been picketing these Devil Masses for years now.  Anytime we are able to prevent even one person from being corrupted by these awful Satanmongers, we feel we have saved a soul for Jesus.  I will be praying for you.  I hope that the lord Jesus Christ will turn your eyes and ears away from the Devil and his evil band.  I would highly suggest you read your Bible and listen to more wholesome music like Reba McEntire and Toby Keith.  I understand what it's like to be young and confused.  I was once like you until someone showed me the path to pure salvation.

Good Luck to you, and may Jesus shine his glorious light on you and point you in the right direction.

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Gabriel

Wow seriously lady you are crazy!!!  You dont know whow all kinds of wrong you are! Black Lips aren ATHEISTS and dont even beleive in god or satan so they cant be bad like that!!  And just becuse they kiss once during that ONE SONG!!! doen't mean theyre homosexual or gay.  Theyre making fun of the people who are CONDMMING them!  

Im on my way I already Got my TICKETS  waiting 4 me, so if ur chooch group[ is waiting 4 us we dont give a FUCK about u!  BAD KIDS!!!!

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To: Gabriel
From: Jacky

Dude,

I'm just cranking you, man.  I have never even heard of The Black Lips until I saw your ad online.  Then I checked out some of their tracks on MySpace and youtube, and HOLY SHIT!!11!  The Black Lips are just awful!

I'm just trying to have fun.  This is my first internet.

Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Gabriel

No way lady.  THEY JUSY KISSS.  Fucki you its not gay it's pissing you off!!!