Stool

Original ad:
Looking for a short stool, like in a doctor's office. One on wheels is even better.
Please send details and price. Thanks! 

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To: Stoolie
From: Jacky

I was replying to your ad online.. I must confess that I never thought this would be something I could sell, but I work for a gastroinerologist, and I can sell you as much stool as you want. Not sure what the market value is, but offer me what you think is fair. I haven't yet seen one with wheels, but I'll keep looking.

Jacky Maille, RN

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To: Jacky
From: Stoolie

hat was a GREAT comeback!!! Thanks for the laugh!!

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To: Stoolie
From: Jacky

So are you pranking me? Or am I pranking you? Or is this some sort of messed up double prank?

Jacky Maille, MD

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To: Jacky
From: Stoolie

i'm sorry...when you said that you were in a gastro's office, i thought you were punning with a double meaning of "stool". i am very interested in a stool if it's not too expensive.
thanks...

by the way..one of your emails has you as an RN...the other as an MD....what gives?
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To: Stoolie
From: Jacky

Well, yes, *ahem* like I said...I've got one that was under my butt for quite a while and caused me next to no discomfort. It's wrapped in plastic and yours if you want it for free. Just let me know!

Jacky Maille, PhD.

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To: Jacky
From: Stoolie

you should do stand up comedy!! where are you located? i just moved here from florida and am not familiar with much. close to loganville????

thanks!!!

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To: Stoolie
From: Jacky

Of course you're "from Florida" and "not familiar with much"!
You're the idiots that botched that botched the 2000 Presidential Election!
I don't know what they do where you're from, but here in civilized places like Georgia we will gladly sell you any kind of stool you want with no questions asked.

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Stoolie

thanks for the compliments...i really needed that today. you are just down right cruel. are you bored or something?

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To: Stoolie
From: Jacky

No, I'm just trying to get rid of some shit. I'm just pooped. Sorry.

Jacky Maille, POTUS

Fun with Omegle -- Quickie Edition

This was done out of sheer boredom.  Happy Independence Day! 

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: SEX!!!

Stranger: Hey

You: Let's do this!

You: Let's go!

Stranger: Asl

You: whatever...just shut the hell up and take off your pants

You: I'm ready!

Stranger: Ok

You: oh god

You: and...

You: I'm done!

You: Thanks

You: you were awesome

You: maybe I'll call you sometime

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Fun with Omegle--Wolf Blitzer Edition

For those who've been living in a cave, Omegle is that wacky random chat room that's sweeping the world by storm. You can see my previous Omegle chats here and here.
And while it may seem that I'm ripping on CNN, I actually prefer the network to it's bitch-ass competitor, Fox "News". I'm really just ripping on Wolf Blitzer because he's a whore. And to give credit where credit is due, "Scooter" was a great sport. Poor kid.

Remember:
You is me aka Wolf Blitzer
Stranger is stranger aka "Scooter"


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello I'm Wolf Blitzer and you're in the Situation Room on CNN
Stranger: No way! This is awesome
You: We're doing a story on Omegle. Would you be interested in participating? You are free to remain anonymous
Stranger: Yeah, sure.
You: Very good
You: Can you give us your age? and gender please?
Stranger: I am a 16 year old male.
You: Excellent. We're going to call you Scooter
Stranger: =D
You: We'll be right back
Stranger: Are we back yet?
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, BP is going to try plan #367 to try to stop the oil leak. This time they're sure it'll work. But right now in the Situation Room we're live with Scooter, a 16 year old sexual Predator who uses Omegle to stalk his prey
Stranger: Oh no I'm not a sexual predator. I'm too young.
You: Scooter, can you tell us how long you've been using random chat rooms like Omegle?
Stranger: Hmm, well this is the only chat room I use and just 3 or 4 months.
Stranger: You type slow, hehe.
You: Coming up in the Situation Room, Vince Young in a heap of trouble beating up a prostitute outside a Dallas strip club.
Stranger: Can we get back to me?
You: But now, we're live with Scooter, a victim of sexual predation
Stranger: Yes, yes. It was awful.
You: Scooter, how many times would you say you've been approached by old fat men looking for sex?
Stranger: Well Wolf, as you can see I'm pretty damn sexy. *crowd laughs* I'd say at least 10 times in the past two months.
You: And how much money have you been offered Scooter?
Stranger: Honestly, countless amounts. They just start throwing money at me begging me to have sex with them. If I actually went through it, it would be a damn good way to make a living. *crowd laughs again*
You: Coming up later in The Situation Room, World Cup Madness--Did Team USA score their only goal of the Cup? But now, we're back with Scooter
You: Scooter, tell us how many hours you spend on average in a day here in the Omegle chat room?
Stranger: Well I really only get on here once every couple of weeks, but if i do manage to get on it's for a good couple of hours.
You: Up next in the Situation Room, North Korea talking tough to the innocent children of South Korea
You: But now we're talking to Scooter in the Omegle Chat room. Scooter spends his days locked in a basement with only the internet as a way to see the outside world
You: Scooter are you still with us?
Stranger: No, no you've twisted the story to your own sick fantasy. I'm actually quite commonly found outside. In fact, I just took a camping trip this weekend and met some new people
You: Scooter, do you find my beard sexy?
Stranger: No, I can't say I do.
You: Would you say that it makes me look distinguished in it's natural grey state? Or do you think I should dye it for a younger more energetic look?
Stranger: You know, I don't see the relevance of this. I think we're done with this interview now.
You: Coming up next in the Situation Room, a sixteen year-old male is missing and presumed kidnapped as a result of talking to a 52 year-old pedophile in the chat room known as Omegle. I'm Wolf Blitzer, stay tuned.
Stranger: Oh, how fun
You: Hello, I'm James earl Jones. This is CNN.
Stranger: Where did the guy with the stupid name go?
You: Head on, apply it directly to the forehead
Stranger: Ok. That's where I leave
Stranger: Goodbye everyone.
Stranger: *crowd cheers*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.