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Showing posts with label cock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cock. Show all posts

Friday, September 17, 2010

Cock Retrievers Pt. 2: Jacky Gets Busted!

Back in May I posted an entry entitled "Cock Retriever" where I attempted to talk this dude into breeding his Cocker Spaniel with "Puddytat", my [fictional] Flat-Coated Retriever.  Recently, I ran across an ad where the person was looking for a Retriever mix puppy, so I sprang into action.  The result wasn't quite what I expected, but it's good to know that Jacky Maille is high up on Google's search engine.  


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Original ad:


We are looking for our first family dog and would like a 4 or 5 month old female golden retriever mix. Preferably a mini golden/golden cocker retriever/english comfort golden/dakota sport retriever... all of which are mainly golden retriever with a little cocker spaniel and/or poodle mix. Want the look of a golden retriever without the large size. 


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To: Michael Bxxx
From: Jacky Maille



I was so happy to see your ad online!  My Flat-Coated Retriever bitch, Puddytat (AKC Registered) was studded out to an English Cocker Spaniel (named Lawrence Welkbubbles) last June.  Several weeks ago, Puddytat whelped 6 Cock Retriever pups. 3 Male 4 Female.

Now keep in mind, Cock Retrievers aren't common yet, but soon they will be the most sought after designer breed in the world!  My deal is this:  You buy one of my female Cock Retriever pups for $1000, and I'll allow you to breed her with another one of my Cock Retrievers.  Soon we will both have Cock Retriever puppies sell Cock Retrievers to families all around the world!

Are you interested?  Let's make this work!

Jacky Maille




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To: Jacky
From: Michael

That sound like a good ideas but we dont have that kind of money to spenf....we are just lookingfor a family dog to adapt not to make investments.  PS you should come up with a differnt name for your puppies becuse Cock retriever just sounds vulger and you might not be able to make money with a name like that.

Michael Bxxx

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To: Michael
From: Jacky

Mickel,

I'm sorry to hear that you're not interested in being one of the first Cock Retriever owners in the US.  It's a well-known fact that designer dogs are the newest craze that's sweeping the Nation.  It's a can't miss oppurtunity.  If I were you, I'd take out a title loan on your truck or minivan or whatever in order to cough up the cash.  You're looking at having a litter of six to eight puppies  that you can sell for a $1000 each.   Trust me when I say that in five years, no self-respecting gay man is going to be without his very own Cock Retriever.  I still have two females left, so if you're still interested please let me know by the end of the week!
I might be willing to break up the payments for you; $500 deposit and $500 when the puppies are weaned and ready for placement.

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Michael

FUCK YOU111
My daughter did an internet lookup on your name and found your websight where you have pulled this scam before.  We are a vry religious family and we are not going to be scammed by people like you.  

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To: Michael
From: Jacky

Mack,

Haha...I am often confused for the Jacky Maille that runs that blog.   That guy is quite the legend!  I can assure you that I merely share a name with him. Kind of like I'm sure you share a name with other Mike Bell's.  I must inform you however that I have sold my last two females to a nice couple in Midtown.  I'm hoping to have another litter early next year when Puddytat recovers, and I will contact you when that happens.  In the meantime, Jesus bless you!

Jacky

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To: Jacky
From: Michael

This will be thae last you hear from me.  I warn you that if I see my name on your websight I will call the police and report you to the FBI.  your days are numberd ASSHOLE111

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Glad to see that religion is working so well for this guy!  Consequences will never be the same!




Sunday, May 30, 2010

Cock Retriever

Original ad:
Cocker Spaniel Needs Female Mate
38 lbs 6 years old Blonde adult male needs mate. Looking for female Cocker Spaniel mate, ownees will split litter in half after 8 to 10 weeks. with mother.

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To: Shaun xxxxxx
From: Jacky Maille
Subj: Doggy Date

Hi there!

I was very excited to run across your ad! I too am a dog lover and have been blessed to have many canine companions throughout my life. I think we can help each other out and start something huge. Not to mention let our dogs get a little lovin' on the side ;)

I have a 2 year-old black Flat Coated Retriever bitch named named Puddytat (AKC Registered). I am interested in breeding her with a Cocker Spaniel so that I can create my own line of designer dogs: Cock Retrievers! I figure with the rise of such designer breeds like Labradoodles, YorkiePoos, Schnorkies, etc., the world is definitely ready for Cock Retrievers! I'm estimating that people will pay between $850-$1000 for a Cock Retriever. Of course, you and I will split the proceeds 50/50.



Puddytat has not had puppies yet, but she came from a litter of 8. So we're looking to split between 6 to 8 thousand bucks!
How about it? Reply back to this e-mail address, and we'll try to set up a doggy date and unleash an army of Cock Retrievers on the world!

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky
From: Shaun
re: Doggy Date

Jacky
Thats gotta be some of the gayest shit I ever heard. Sorry but not interested. We want cocker puppies. Not mutts.
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To: Shaun
From: Jacky

I'm sorry you feel that way Shawnnie. I beg you to reconsider though. First of all, a Cock Retriever is not a mutt. It's a bonafide designer dog. People who hunt with dogs would pay top dollar for a Cock Retriever. And you mentioned that my offer sounded gay. Exactly! Do you know how many gay people live in Atlanta (not that there's anything wrong with that)? These guys would be all over Piedmont Park proudly walking their Cock Retrievers. It'll be the new status symbol, much like inner city thugs with their Pit Bulls. And everyone knows gay people have more disposable income than the rest of us, as they don't have kids like the rest of us. So of course, they'll pay top dollar too.

We really should set something up the sooner the better. Puddytat is getting ready to go into heat and I'm sure she's ready to get some Cocker cock all up in her. Let me know!

Jacky Maille
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To: Jacky
From: Shaun

I'm sur if you put up an ad on craigslist you can find someone to help you out. We already found a mate for our dog thank you very much. And you got some weird shit to say bout gay people. My wifes cousin is gay and hes always broke.
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To: Shaun
From: Jacky

I hate to hear that Shane. You could have made thousands on a litter of genuine Cock Retrievers, but instead you decided to create more boring-ass psycho puppies who grow up to be boring-ass psycho dogs that can't control their bladders and pee everywhere and then you're begging people to take them off your hands. Great. But ten years from now when Cock Retrievers are the most popular designer dogs in the US, don't come crying to me about how you missed your golden opportunity. You'll be sitting in your living room watching an Animal Planet special on the popularity of Cock Retrievers while your little Spaniels are busy peeing all over the place. They'll be interviewing me and you'll go, "Man I coulda got in on that action from the very beginning. I shoulda listened to that dude!"

Oh well. Best of luck to you Shamus, and your little piddlers.

Jacky Maille
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To: Jacky
From: Shaun

Man your crazy. I'm glad you mentioned you were a dude cuz I was really wondering. Maybe I'll see you in the park with your gay friends and your gay dogs.